A clearer state of mind

NOW that the shock's worn off somewhat, I feel a little bit more lucid. Or at least, a wee bit more coherent than the babbling mess I was yesterday. I know, you're thinking, whoa, never before has someone made a bigger fuss of getting into the university, but perhaps if you were to walk with me through the entire run-up before that, you'd understand the reason for my shellshocked reaction.

Okay, considering that there are only four universities (as of now anyway) in Singapore, it's only fitting that prospective undergraduates would try their hand at the four heavenly kings. And subsequently be offered placement in one of them too; that's just how it works. Well, considering that my FYP was a collaboration with NTU and that I'd already gone for the interviews and the whole nine yards, it was pretty much a done deal that the Boonlay campus would be where I'd take up residence for the next three years.

I was pretty cool, even excited, with that. I've got seniors in there and I know the quickest way to get to the toilets (don't ask), and which vending machine sells what and on the whole, I was content with my lot in life.

And yesterday at 6am, in a caffeine-induced stupor, I switched on my computer and just for the heck of it, logged onto the joint acceptance portal with my NUS-issued pin.

CAN YOU IMAGINE THE SHOCK I HAD?!

I didn't scream, thank you very much. Dignity still remained in my head even though it was touch-and-go there for a good moment. I never imagined I'd get into NUS. Like I said, I logged on for the heck of it and sometimes I think I applied for the same reason. Don't get me wrong. It's a wonderful school and where brand names are concerned, the prestige is great. But considering that I...

1. Am from a polytechnic that is known for being the worst where reputations are concerned- because the principal is not a PAL of any kind. I can count on my fingers the number of NUS science students our institution (asylum) has churned out since opening its Horse-head flanked doors.

2. Got an E for my A levels in Chemistry. Yes. You read that right and E doesn't stand for excellency or anything Extraordinaryyyyyyyy.

3. Urm... got an A2 for that in O levels? (not that that should be counted... or wait, I think it is but never mind)

4. Am not a particularly outstanding student. Okay. I know this is a major bone of contention that teachers would pick at. Outstanding, not notorious, that is. A good deal of teachers would beg to differ about how I'm indeed pretty good but I know where I stand nonetheless. As compared to certain people I've seen (the initial C.H. come to mind but I don't wanna dwell on that for now), the harsh inner critic is all but willing to let up.

5. Chemistry's not an easy course to get into. Hell, NUS science in itself is a brutally competitive faculty and everyone knows that. But here I am all the same.

Needless to say, I accepted, albeit with trembling fingers. I'm still very much in shock because the entire focus of my world has shifted a full hundred and eighty degrees. I don't know where I'm going, what I should do, who I'll meet, what the food's like, what do the toilets smell of (!!), but I DO know something.

I'm grateful. Incredibly grateful.

For this opportunity, for this gift. You can argue that I worked for it and it was my entitlement but I know by now that nothing comes free and easy in this world. I'm here and I intend to milk it for all its worth; go in there and study extra hard and make sure I give it back at some point. I'm still reeling.

I won't lie. I'm afraid- terrified, to be precise. Of failing, of not being up to scratch, of even tripping and falling over my own feet in the lecture hall (if that's what they're called). Truth be told, I don't think the terror will subside anything soon, at least not until things get into a groove when the academic year kicks off with a bang. Till then, I'll just have to trust that whatever guy up there (as Scottz Lip would say) has given me this gift will see me through and give me the strength to overcome whatever lands in my way.

Right. I know I'm babbling again and right now I'm so frazzled I can't think straight. Offers and acceptance letters, medical examinations, purchasing insurance coverage... It's overwhelming to say the least. I need some space to - back away by a step and admire the vastness of the blue sky, as the Chinese proverb goes.

Oh and as a side note, a totally random one at that, Munkustrap and Mistoffelees are hot.

Yeah that's all.